our |perfect| storm

"Enjoy the adventure of finding yourself through losing yourself in Me." Jesus Calling There has defiantly been a lot of finding myself the last three months. From the night of Troys accident happened everything changed. I found myself growing closer with so many family members and friends. Something that wouldn't have happened without the accident. I also found myself closer than ever with Jesus. When tragedy strikes you find there is no safer way to turn than into the arms of the one who has had you in his hands from the beginning.  Troys recovery has been amazing. I've said it a million times but that boy is 100% miracle. We have made our way through weeks of therapy working towards the goal of gaining his strength back, cognition and getting him as close as what we can to what he was before the accident. With these injuries time is really the ultimate healer. We have learned that even 5,10, or 15 years from now Troy has the ability to experience gains. After a yea

We made our way to Spectrum this morning for an appointment with Dr Vitaz. I must say, GR feels like home now. I know my way through Spectrum like it's no bodies business! We got there early but got in right away. I filled out his questionaire (becuause he always refuses to do it). It's a long list of symptoms sectioned off into different body categories such as; endocrine, neuro, urinary, etc. We didn't circle many off them which is a nice feeling! I did mention to the PA that Troy twitches on his right side when he gets tired she said, I'm going to go look at his CT scan and talk with the doctor. That made me nervous. I couldn't think of what they could be thinking. Next thing you know Dr Vitaz was in the room. He explained that he was concerned that the twitching might be related to seizure like activity. We knew that because he had a severe brain injury he would be at a very high risk for seizures. The doctor said that things such as watching TV, looking at your

"I am the gift that continuously gives - bounteously, with no strings attached. Unconditional love is such a radical concept that even my most devoted followers fail to grasp it fully. Absolutely nothing in heaven or on earth can cause me to stop loving you. You may feel more loved when you are performing according to your expectations. But my love for you is perfect; therefore it is not subject to variation. What does vary is your awareness of my loving presence. When you are dissatisfied with your behavior, you tend to feel unworthy of my love. You may unconsciously punish yourself by withdrawing from me and attributing the distance between us to my displeasure. Instead of returning to me and receiving my love, you attempt to earn my approval by trying harder. All the while, I am aching to hold you in my everlasting arms, to enfold you in my love. When you are feeling unworthy or unloved, come to me. Then ask for receptivity to my unfailing love." Jesus Calling I'd s

Well, we did it. I finally was able to get Troy to try and swing a club and guess what? He did it! It sometimes feels like pulling teeth to get him to do stuff when he has the 'I can't do it attitude'. It's so frustrating but when I get him to do it he opens up and feels like he can do anything. For days now he has been saying he is too slow for this or not good enough for that. Today it was a lot of, "I feel great, I'm doing so much better!" I love when he has this attitude, I just wish he had it more often.  Our first Christmas party went great. Typically when Troy is around a lot of people he starts twitching uncontrollably on his right side. The twitching started right away so he snuck away and took a quick nap. It's so strange. His nap could be 5 minutes or it could be 2 hours long. Either way, he will feel rested and the twitching will stop. He has early morning therapy again tomorrow then he has a whole week off! We will have a busy week and lot

Tomorrow starts our week of craziness! We have Christmas parties every day except for Monday. Oh man, anyone get Troy a cot for Christmas? He will need it!  He only has one day of therapy this week and he is so beyond excited about that. That's a Christmas gift in itself. Were so excited to spend Christmas home. We had originally thought that Troy wouldn't be home by Christmas. We were shocked when Thanksgiving came around and he was already sleeping in his own bed! God has been so great to us and we have so much to be thankful for this year, and always. Health has always been something we take for granted. Not anymore, that is something we will always be greatful for; along with such great healthcare. We are so blessed to have such good hospitals, so close to home!  Lately, our 'get out of the house' time has been sitting in Dicks Sporting Goods looking at golf clubs. With our family, we get money and need to choose a gift for ourselves, wrap it and bring it to the par

8am came early this morning. With Troy having a hard time sleeping, it's been hard for me to fall asleep too. We have tried it all and honestly, I thought he would be on his normal sleep schedule by now. Turns out, brain injury patients (most the time) have a sleeping issue. At Mary Free Bed, our roommate (for a day), Jose, had a brain injury and NEVER slept. It's so crazy how the brain works. My aunt had given me some lavender oil to try. I was pretty sure that it wouldn't work. Turns out, it worked pretty well. I gave it a try last night too! I even dab a little on troys road rash burns on his hands!  Yesterday was Troys CT scan. It was quick and painless. Troy was a little worried about what it all consisted of. I made sure to tell him it was the easiest thing have would have do since his accident. He got out and said, "well that wasn't bad!" It's strange to think he has no recollection of all the precious CT scans he has had. He had a lot of questions

Therapy was bright and early at 9am. Sounds ridiculous but, when your husband has a really hard time sleeping and doesn't fall asleep until 1am-3am it seems like 5am! He is still taking his prescribed medicine for sleeping, Seraquil. He usually takes it every night before therapy and the nights he really struggles to fall asleep. He typical pops some Melatonin too on top of that. He has been on those meds for so long, I have a feeling it's not working as good as it did when he first started it.  Troy was able to do some fun activities in therapy today! I had asked the therapist if we could practice ladders. I would rather practice those more dangerous things with him in therapy and not right when he gets back to work. He did so good. I was nervous the whole time but the therapist was very confident Troy had his balance and could hold his own on the ladder. Troy wasn't content with just climbing the ladder, he asked to take the ceiling tiles out and check out the electrical.

I wish I had a instruction manual for my life. Telling me what is wrong and what's right; what I should do, or shouldn't. I can't say I have felt really frustrated since the hospital/rehabs stays. Today was just one of those days. I get frustrated with myself because I feel like there is so much to be thankful for, why am I frustrated? I  wish I could sit in my own bubble with Troy and just be a loner. I feel life would be so much easier. It probably wouldn't but life is so annoying sometimes. I'm thankful for new days, days were we have the choice to start over!  We had a fun night tonight and went back to where it all kind of started, the Spectrum ICU. It was a strange feeling walking in, holding his hand. It was so fun to see all the nurses faces when it clicked that this was TROY! It wasn't busy so we were able to go in the room where he stayed and show him around. It was so nice to be back in such a different position; walking with Troy and seeing an empty

Romans 8:31 "What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?" One of my many favorite verses. I was reminded in church this morning of how God sacrificed his son for all of us; sinners, so unworthy. The amount of love God has for us far exceeds any love we could ever comprehend here on earth. If God, the one who loves us more than words can describe, is for us, then no one can be against us. Remembering that God is always on our side is difficult at times. Tragedies come and it's hard to believe that there is any hope past that day. There is. When God is doing His work he needs to make for bad times, bad times always make the good times so much better. We appreciate the small things and learn to love the silly flaws. I can say whole heartedly the love I have for Troy now is far more than I could have imagined it to ever be. There are many days where I am running on little sleep and Troy needs more help than usual. I fin

We had a VERY exciting morning, this morning! We were able to meet some of our most faithful prayer warriors, a great group of third graders of Mrs. DeZwaans (Aunt Chris') class. They were so excited to finally meet Troy. I would say, we were just as excited as they were to finally meet! They asked questions and talk with Troy about the accident and what his therapy consisted of. We loved how interested and excited they were about it all. Troy and I love kids so this was totally up our alley! I loved seeing their eyes light up when they talked to him. Troy had never met these kids before, but they all just loved on him like they had known him forever. In their minds, they probably feel like they have! One little girl came up to Troy and said, "Can I give you a hug?" It was so sweet! Troy has become an incredible hero and a perfect example of answered prayers to so many, including these kids! He still will say, "I'm nothing special" but I would beg to differ.

Two months ago today, we were hours away from starting one of the most stressful, uncertain, fulfilling journeys we have had yet (here I am talking like we have been married for 60 years...). Our journey continues to be well, quite a ride. I'd say were doing pretty good considering the circumstances. Troy is exceeding everyone's expectations as far as recovery goes. I mean, the kid is a fricken rockstar so I can't say I'm surprise at how fast and perfect his recovery has been. I've learned a lot over these last two months but I think I've learned the most about Troy. He has always been great but, I can't even describe it. The kid is a genius. The more I think about it, the more I am believing I'm a toal idiot. I have lost the ability to keep up with Troy while we were in the FIRST rehabilitation center. Yes, the place he still has no recollection of. Cool. He keeps complaining about how he is so annoyed he can't keep himself together when he starts l

I started this blog with the intention of keeping close family in the loop regarding our journey through miscarriage and fertility testing. Since then, life and priorities have dramatically changed for us. Troy was involved in a dirt bike accident, leaving him with a severe brain injury. His life was looking very uncertain for a while there. We didn't know how he would come out of it, or even if he would come out of it. Today, almost 9 weeks later he is home and participating in outpatient therapy. He is doing so much better than anyone would have ever expected! Just goes to show how incredible our Gods power is! Nothing, absolutely NOTHING is impossible with him.  I had originally started a Carepage, something I had no interest in at first. My thought was, 'people only start a carepage if they are going through something terrible; medically.' Yes, denial at its finest. I want to move away from Carepages and more into a blog. Here, I feel more unlimited to what I can write

Throughout this whole experience I have learned so much about myself. Some good, some bad. I really began to understand how precious life is. Each day is truely a gift, each and everyone of us don't deserve. We all sin and fall short but man, God's grace is just unbelievable. When we first found out we lost our baby back in January I had a really hard trusting that God had a plan for me. All of the things he had given me were quickly forgotten. How selfish of me to be upset with him when he had given me so much already. I not only was upset that he had taken our baby but upset that he had put us through this. If he truely loved us, why would he do this to us. I found through the process that God's plan is so much bigger than ours. He can see the WHOLE picture, were as we can only see up to the present moment.  Looking back, I know that God never did any of this to hurt me, he knew what was best for me. I can see now that it was the right thing at the time. I've learned

I had my sonohystogram this morning, bright and early at 7:30. I didn't really know what to expect, they only told me I woud have some miild cramping. Turns out when they say mild they mean major. I typically have pretty bad mentrual cramps but they come and go. This was a constant, horrible, rip my hair out cramps. Basically the procedure is inserting a scope into through my cervix into my uterus to look at my uterine walls. The doctor said he did'nt see polyps or a septum and everything looked great. Thats great, except for that leaves us with no explaination for the miscarriages.  My mom was gracious enough to come with me seeing since Troy is out of town working and couldn't take time off. I was bummed he couldn't be there but I understand. Plus my mom is just as good, and I'm sure she enjoyed all the compliments about her "not looking old enough to be my mom" from the doctor :)  Today looks like its going to be a lay low kind of day while I wait for t

This all brings us to the end of Septmeber. I met with Dr Dodds of GR Fertility Center. He was amazing, so down to earth and truely sorry that we had gone through everything we had went through the last eight months. We sat and chatted about both Troy and I's medically history and what we were doing moving forward from all of this. I had sixteen, yes sixteen tubes of blood taken for different tests including things like Cystic Fibrosis, Lupus and a whole aray of other things that I couldn't pernounce. Troy and I also had genetic testing done to see if we have a chromosone abnomality. Lucky Troy only had one tube of blood for that.  We also decided on a Sonohystogram to look into my uterus for certain things like a septum or polyps that could cause miscarriage. These two things are easily corrected with a surgery. My Sonohystogram is scheduled for October 10. I don't really know how I feel about it. I'm excited to be doing something but this has the potential to give us

April, 2014. We found out we were once again, expecting. We had been trying so it didn't come as much of a shock to us. However, we were SO excited! A chance to try this all again. Little did I know we were in for another disappointment. I had been getting my HCG levels monitored and they were going up just as they were supposed to. Everything looked great, and very promising. I had a lot of hope that everything was going to go better than ever this time around. I even bought baby clothes and blankets, even a diaper bag. (I'm a very impatient person :) ) I had made it to 7 weeks! I was feeling good, not great. I look back and wonder if I was telling myself I didn't feel good to make myself feel better that everything was going better than the last time.  I was a week away from my first ultrasound. We had decided to tell our parents early on in the pregnancy because we wanted and needed the support. It was a Sunday morning, before church, I woke up and immediately knew I had

Life took a very dramatic turn for Troy and I on January 5, 2014 when we found out we were expecting our first child. It was a shock for both of us. We had just gotten home from vacation and I had been feeling a bit under the weather. Thinking that it was just from riding in a car for nearly 46 hours in a 2 week period, I brushed it off and tried to have fun. When we got home all I wanted to do was sleep, forever! I was so unbelievably tired. Troy looked at me and said "I think you should take a pregnancy test" I looked at him and said, "I'm not pregnant and I'll take a test just to show you I'm right." Three minutes later a big fat POSITIVE came up. I literally just buried my face in my hands and cried. It was the biggest rush of emotions I've ever experienced. I was so excited, scared, worried, happy, everything all at once. Troy hugged me and we cried together. I finally said "Now what?". I never thought of the first time finding out I&#