our |perfect| storm

The boschs have had quite the exciting week this week!  I have a lot of updating to do in regaurds to Troy and his progress in therapy and his new found independence, driving. I'll start with Wednesday; I had the first meeting with my counselor through Winning at Home. It was a very different experience than I was expecting. I was so happy to sit down with someone who has a new and fresh insight on my whole aray of issues who can help me deal with things in a healthy way. I never imagined going into it and falling apart so quickly. I have told my story so many times but this was the first time someone just sat and listened. She had no opinion and knew exactly what to say. Things from the past were brought up that I had no idea were even an issue anymore for me. After one session and I'm already learning that a lot of things have built up along time to give me the amount of anxiety I have today. Troys accident just pushed me right over that edge.  Friday; Troy had his big drive...

There is this popular blog post about marrying young going around. If you haven't seen it, refresh your newsfeed on Facebook.    At the young age of 19 I was engaged. Married by 20. Now a days, that's quite early. As expected, I got a lot of grief from it. I've heard it all; "you are too young", "your not mature enough", "you have so much life to live", "you can be married for the rest of your life", yada, yada. I won't lie, it was pretty annoying at the time. I know some might have said those things for the soul purpose of trying to protect me from what seems to be the new norm, divorce.  Unfortunately, marriage has become a "no big deal" type of thing to our world today. I can tell you that at 19 years old, I didn't truly understand the meaning of marriage and what it entailed. But, I could tell you whole heartedly, no doubt about it, I didn't want to share my life with anyone but Troy. As can this girl writing...

For me there is no such thing as sweet, sad tears. You either get no crying or complete Kim Kardashian ugly face cry. If your not familiar, just google it. You'll know what I mean.  So, I was quite impressed with myself today when I didn't have a complete sob fest while visiting RVLs class. My emotions are ones of an unstable, train wrech, oh wait... That is me! I'm pretty sure a song about flying monkeys could make me cry right now. I've always wanted to take Troy along to this class and I finally had the opportunity to this morning. RVL has so much depth and knowledge of the Bible. It's truly inspiring. I hope and pray he is still teaching the day our kids go through high school because I want nothing more than to have my kids listen and gain some incredible insight on the Bible from him.  He told the story of his mother dying in a car accident after being struck by a drunk driver. He reminded us all to tell the people we care about how much they mean to us. At wh...

I found myself googling articles about women who have had to care for a husband suffering from a TBI. I stumbled upon an article that quite frankly, could have been written by myself it was so dead on. She explained her feelings of anxiety, frustrations and complete terror of the unknown after being sent home to care for her husband who had an extreme case of stubbornness accompanied with a TBI.  On a daily basis I hear these phrases, "stop worrying", "I'm fine", "nothing is going to happen". I'm ashamed to say that on more than one occasion those phrases have spun me into a complete hysterical, freak out mode. Where I typically end up storming out of the room saying, "I can't do this anymore", "you don't care", "you have no idea what I went through!". Troy has lost a bit of his remorse and understanding. Because of that I can honestly say, I never get the response I want from him. He usually yells back and get...

Our meeting with Dr Vandenberg went great. Troy never ceases to amaze him. He is so excited about Troys recovery and how well he is doing. We have our neuro pysch evaluation scheduled for Feburary nine. It will be a six hour (roughly) test. It's basically an IQ test, a very intense IQ test. They are looking to see what his strengths and struggles are so they can focus on those specific areas in therapy. Thankfully, for Troys sake, we don't have to wait for the pysch test to do the drivers rehab test through Mary Free Bed. (Insert that stroke I talked about previously here) The doctor even said he could practice in parking lots, he actually recommended cemeteries but, NO THANKS. He gave him the clear to work with power tools as long as Troy said he would use extra caution when doing so; knowing he is at a higher risk for injury. No saws though, even though Troy swears he said otherwise.  After the pysch test we will have to wait until mid March to follow up with Vandenberg. Unfo...

As I sit here and wait for the EEG to be done, I decided I might as well update, I'm not real great at posting daily.  This week has been dragging so far. I can't say it's been anyone's fault but my own. Yes, it's only Tuesday. My good attitude has been lacking. Troy has been great since the last post. I'm trying to let go and let him be more independent but it's killing me. My anxiety is controlling my life right now. I can't trust anyone, I am constantly thinking that when he takes off somewhere with someone he will never come back. I find myself reliving the night of the accident more than ever. I thought that getting home would make me relax more but it's only made things worse. I'm driving myself crazy thinking of the most ridiculous things. Things that more than likely won't happen but could. I know my mom has always told me not to live life like that, heck, I've posted before that you can't live life that way and now look me. I...

"Much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times have come. One of my main ways I assert my sovereignty is in the timing of events. If you want to stay close to me and do things my way, ask me to show you the path forward moment by moment. Instead of dashing headlong toward your goal , let me set the pace. Slow down, and enjoy the journey in my presence." Jesus Calling The last few days have been rough. I have been so frustrated. Troy snaps constantly; I feel I can't do anything right for him. I try so hard to stear away from conversations that I feel he's trying to just stir up an argument because I'm just not interested in arguing. For the first time I thought to myself, I'm not sure I can do this anymore. I want to quit. Obviously, that's not really an option. I feel like I'm running out of steam. I try and remind myself that he has a brain injury, he says things he doesn't mean and I need to be more understanding....

I survived day one back to work. I can't say my shoulders have ever hurt so bad in my life. I was a little tense to say the least. I had told Troy that I wanted him to call or text me every once in a while. Of course, as you can expect he said, "don't plan on it". I was really worried about that. For my anxietys sake I really needed him to communicate with me throughout the day. Troy lives to give me grey hairs, that I am very certain of! To my surprise, he did really good today keeping me informed that he wasn't dead or dying! Yes, that is what I worry about. Lets just say, you wouldn't be surprised why I don't sleep if I told you how I think. I think we call that a real bad case of... Anxiety.  Troy finally has his EEG scheduled. Next week Tuesday is the big day! It will be a two hour "procedure". I'm very curious to see the results! And then, we have our doctors appointment with Dr Vandenberg at Mary Free Bed on Friday! Whoa! What an excit...

Ugh... I'm sad to say the time has come that I go back to work tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it. Mostly because I don't know how Troy will do without me and I dont know how I'll do without him. He and I have spent every waking moment together for nearly three months now. Im really trying hard not to think about it. I've said from the beginning how excited I have been for normal life to come again. This is a step...towards normal life. Why does it feel so terrible? I can't imagine a whole day without him. Ill worry, I'll call about a million times, I'll go over his 'rules' (he claims he doesn't have), and yes, I'll probably have a meltdownor two. But, I need to look at all of these as steps in the right direction. I'm not much for change, I've learned. I feel very uncomfortable with it. However, these are all good changes. Troy and I are so fortunate to work for such supportive companies that have gone above and beyond to he...

Happy New Year!!  As we leave 2014 behind us I'm so excited for a new year to start fresh. 2014 hasn't been the best but I can't say it was terrible. Troy and I were challenged often throughout the year and we certainly learned a lot about life and ourselves. Because of 2014 we will live differently this new year. Focusing on the things we feel are most important to us.  I'm so excited to see what is in store knowing full well that God has the best plan for our lives, far greater than anything we could ask for or imagine.  I'm not one for new years resolutions because, let's be honest, most people don't stick with it. I'm going to instead; make a new year solution. The solution is going to involve a lot more prayer time and devotion. Jesus has given me so much to be thankful for and I am and will be forever greatful for everything he has donefor me. I'm going to challenge you to do the same. Learn to change your spiritual lifestyle. You'll find l...