our |perfect| storm

Throughout this whole experience I have learned so much about myself. Some good, some bad. I really began to understand how precious life is. Each day is truely a gift, each and everyone of us don't deserve. We all sin and fall short but man, God's grace is just unbelievable. When we first found out we lost our baby back in January I had a really hard trusting that God had a plan for me. All of the things he had given me were quickly forgotten. How selfish of me to be upset with him when he had given me so much already. I not only was upset that he had taken our baby but upset that he had put us through this. If he truely loved us, why would he do this to us. I found through the process that God's plan is so much bigger than ours. He can see the WHOLE picture, were as we can only see up to the present moment.  Looking back, I know that God never did any of this to hurt me, he knew what was best for me. I can see now that it was the right thing at the time. I've learned ...

I had my sonohystogram this morning, bright and early at 7:30. I didn't really know what to expect, they only told me I woud have some miild cramping. Turns out when they say mild they mean major. I typically have pretty bad mentrual cramps but they come and go. This was a constant, horrible, rip my hair out cramps. Basically the procedure is inserting a scope into through my cervix into my uterus to look at my uterine walls. The doctor said he did'nt see polyps or a septum and everything looked great. Thats great, except for that leaves us with no explaination for the miscarriages.  My mom was gracious enough to come with me seeing since Troy is out of town working and couldn't take time off. I was bummed he couldn't be there but I understand. Plus my mom is just as good, and I'm sure she enjoyed all the compliments about her "not looking old enough to be my mom" from the doctor :)  Today looks like its going to be a lay low kind of day while I wait for t...

This all brings us to the end of Septmeber. I met with Dr Dodds of GR Fertility Center. He was amazing, so down to earth and truely sorry that we had gone through everything we had went through the last eight months. We sat and chatted about both Troy and I's medically history and what we were doing moving forward from all of this. I had sixteen, yes sixteen tubes of blood taken for different tests including things like Cystic Fibrosis, Lupus and a whole aray of other things that I couldn't pernounce. Troy and I also had genetic testing done to see if we have a chromosone abnomality. Lucky Troy only had one tube of blood for that.  We also decided on a Sonohystogram to look into my uterus for certain things like a septum or polyps that could cause miscarriage. These two things are easily corrected with a surgery. My Sonohystogram is scheduled for October 10. I don't really know how I feel about it. I'm excited to be doing something but this has the potential to give us ...

April, 2014. We found out we were once again, expecting. We had been trying so it didn't come as much of a shock to us. However, we were SO excited! A chance to try this all again. Little did I know we were in for another disappointment. I had been getting my HCG levels monitored and they were going up just as they were supposed to. Everything looked great, and very promising. I had a lot of hope that everything was going to go better than ever this time around. I even bought baby clothes and blankets, even a diaper bag. (I'm a very impatient person :) ) I had made it to 7 weeks! I was feeling good, not great. I look back and wonder if I was telling myself I didn't feel good to make myself feel better that everything was going better than the last time.  I was a week away from my first ultrasound. We had decided to tell our parents early on in the pregnancy because we wanted and needed the support. It was a Sunday morning, before church, I woke up and immediately knew I had...

Life took a very dramatic turn for Troy and I on January 5, 2014 when we found out we were expecting our first child. It was a shock for both of us. We had just gotten home from vacation and I had been feeling a bit under the weather. Thinking that it was just from riding in a car for nearly 46 hours in a 2 week period, I brushed it off and tried to have fun. When we got home all I wanted to do was sleep, forever! I was so unbelievably tired. Troy looked at me and said "I think you should take a pregnancy test" I looked at him and said, "I'm not pregnant and I'll take a test just to show you I'm right." Three minutes later a big fat POSITIVE came up. I literally just buried my face in my hands and cried. It was the biggest rush of emotions I've ever experienced. I was so excited, scared, worried, happy, everything all at once. Troy hugged me and we cried together. I finally said "Now what?". I never thought of the first time finding out I...