finding joy.

There was a time I wondered if I would ever find joy in life again.  I had managed to completely engulfed myself in despair. The battle of dealing with loss all while celebrating life was a concept I couldn't grasp. Most of my days were spent with a therapist, trying to make sense of my situation. The pile of problems I was facing looked more like mountains to me. I sat at the bottom of that mountain for several months and allowed satan to fill me with anger. There had been a day where I sat at the top of that mountain. How did God allow me to drop so quickly to the bottom? As I drowned in my own self-pity I slowly came to this realization:

It starts with a step. 

I started with a step which turned into a few steps. After a few steps I saw progress. Once I saw progress I began finding my confidence. The bigger my confidence grew the larger my steps were. Every once in a while I find a spot of loose stone and have to reroute. However, after a few wrong turns and a few mis steps I know eventually, I'll find my way around. I've learned to trust the journey with my head down focusing more on my steps then I am on the finish line. Which at times, is easier said then done. 

The further into this journey, the easier it is to find joy. For the longest time I tried finding joy in stuff. Only to realize that materials aren't capable of holding forever joy. My joy is found in family, its found in experiences and memories. Those are things I can hold on to forever no matter the obstacles put in our path. As we come up on three years since Troy's accident. Troy and I have found ourselves reevaluating where we are in life. Where can we go from here to be sure we live our fullest and best life? We don't know what that looks like or where we go from here but what we do know is that life isn't promised tomorrow. We need to be sure to find joy in the things we do, create joy with the people we meet and spread joy to our broken world. There are a lot of questions being asked around this household now a days. Trauma brings a whole new appreciation for life and makes you reevaluate more often than you would have without it.