Self Help

I'm going to be honest, I have gotten really bad at doing my devotions. There is no excuse for it and I'm pretty disappointed in myself. So, tonight I whipped out my handy dandy Jesus Calling devotional which has gotten me through the most difficult times in my life and started reading. 

"When the path before you looks easy and straightforward, you may be tempted to go at alone instead of relying on Me. This is when you are in the greatest danger of stumbling. Ask my spirit to help you as you go each step of the way. Never neglect this glorious Source of strength within you." 

We have fallen back into the chaos of life. Living day by day in the business this world brings. With doctors appointments, work schedules, preparing for a new baby. Everything seemed to trump my daily devotion. I'm all about living a boring life away from the drama of trauma. But, I know that trauma can come upon us so unexpectedly and leave us in a place of complete confusion emotionally, spiritually and physically. I need to make my devotions a habit again. It's such a refreshing habit to get into and honestly, for me, brings me to such a happier place in life. Like the devotion says, "never neglect this glorious source of strength within you". Seriously though, how incredibly lucky are we to have Jesus at our disposal to bring us through life's worse and life's best. Yet it's so easy for us to take Him for granted. 

This coming weekend marks a year from Troy's accident and I don't think I could be more proud of him. He has come so far and worked so hard to get where he is today. I have been so privileged to be his wife the last three years and wouldn't trade a day of it. His accident did a number to me, as to many others. It's changed me in ways I never imagined.  I have matured in my faith and in my relationship with Troy. Our life together went through a dramatic change in which most, typically never have to experience. We have learned to manage the bumps in the road and take life as it comes knowing that there are good days that we need to enjoy and bad days that we need to grow from.

The days home with him just sitting on the couch are moments I will cherish. Reading back on all the carepages I'm taken back to the feelings and emotions I went through throughout Troy's journey in the hospital. The unknowns and frustrations I delt with daily were exhausting. I felt suffocated. Life now finally feels like I can breathe again and I take that for granted. I remember reading about how all I wanted to do was hear him talk, or move, and most of all just wanted him to be home with me and benson to live a normal life outside of all the crap we were going through. There is still crap, everyone has it but I have everything else. I don't need to listen to old voice mails to remember his voice or pinch him to make his finger twitch. I'm SO thankful for my Troy today and I try my hardest to enjoy it. Even if it's snoring,  farting, yelling or putting things where they don't belong. The fact that he can do all those things is amazing (yes, even fart! :) - you'd be surprised what you start missing when you have had nothing!) 

Now, a year out were living a (semi) normal life, Troy's working and doing normal things, I'm working and growing our first child and in a month we will begin a whole new journey of starting to raise a family together. Never in a million years would I have guessed this would be life a year ago. God sure works in miraculous ways. He must have been smiling up there the whole time saying, "you just wait, I've got something great ahead for you!". I'm always brought back to the verse that says, "whatever you ask for in prayer, believe you have received it and it will be given to you." Prayer is an amazing thing and I am a firm believer in the power of prayer! Troy is a living, breathing example of it.

My devotions are a great tool to learn those verses so that when life starts going in a direction of the unknown I can reflect back on those verses I once read. Sitting in the waiting room right after Troy's accident the Lord stuck this verse in my head, " The lord is my shepherd he makes me lie down by green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul.... Even though I walk through the valley of death I shall fear no evil for He is with me. His rod and his staff they comfort me." 

I memorized this entire verse many times throughout grade school. Never would I have imagined it would come up at such a traumatic time in my life. The words all of the sudden meant something to me and brought me to a place of comfort in the Lord that I needed so badly. As time went on more verses would pop into my head and as I recited them in my head I believed them whole heartedly and peace would overcome my thoughts. He was in control and He was showing me that through putting scripture in my head. 

The Bible; the best self help book one could have. And that is why I need to dedicate my time to it daily! Let's be honest, we could all use a little help! :)