Building up, not breaking down.
We survived the first week of work. It went really well and might I say, we could not possibly ask for a better company to love and take care of Troy. Interestingly enough, Dr. Vandenberg made a comment at our last appointment about how patients with brain injuries have significantly better outcomes when they have a supportive work place. He can't get over how well Hoekstra has been treating Troy and how well they took care of him his first week. We have been and continue to be overwhelmingly blessed by such a great company.
We are going into week two, sticking with four hours a day for this coming week, then jumping to six hours a day for week three. He has been more tired but rightfully so, he hasn't worked in six months and nearly two of those months he was down and out. Can't blame him. It will take him a while to get back into the hang of things. Patience is our worst enemy right now as Troy wants everything, NOW. Unfortunately, that's not how it works.
Today's sermon was exactly what I needed to hear. I want so badly to have the 'let it go' attitude with a lot of aspects in my life. I often feel like I'm disrespecting Jesus by not living in the high of Jesus like I had been while Troy was in ICU. That's not true. Jesus is ordinary. As much as we might feel he isn't around, he is walking next to us throughout life everyday. Yes, Jesus is seen in big aspects of life; trauma, death, a newborn baby, miracles, etc. But Jeusus isn't always making firework like appearances. Sometimes he goes unnoticed yet when we look back his fingerprints are left all over parts of your life you never would have expected. There are bound to be lows in this sinful world we live in. That's nothing to be ashamed of. In life, we should live for HIM, not for ourselves or others.
I love analyzing people. I am so interested how each person is different in thoughts, actions, beliefs, etc. There is always a reason to someone's madness, sadness, whatever it is, it comes from a part in their life where they once felt unworthy in some way. Whether it was from a friend, a teacher, a parent, a sibling, or even just a random person. It takes ONE time for someone to say ONE thing to make someone to completely tear themselves down inside, to feel unworthy, to feel so small that nothing anyone could say or do will make that scar go away. Remember that. This whole "forgive and forget" B.S doesn't work. I do believe it's possible to forgive but in most cases it is impossible for someone to forget what has been done to them. Every person has walls and those walls are built because of others unfair actions. Unfortunately people aren't always nice. And sometimes that leads to a life full of destructive thinking and complete feeling of worthless.
As my curiousity sparked in analyzing people and trying to better understand peoples feelings and thoughts I searched TED talks. I was introduced to this while Troy was in therapy. It's a website where researchers, professionals, experts get about a twenty minute time slot to talk about a topic. There are endless amount of topics. I found a topic on vulnerability.
This is extremely interesting and recommend you check it out. There is a lot of truth in this, a truth people often have a hard time accepting. It's important to be YOU. It's important for you to feel you are worthy because you know what, you are! Jesus didn't create his people to have the same personality, to have the same beliefs because what kind of world would that be? I'll tell ya, a boring one. It is ok to have your own opinions, to have your own beliefs. Even though this particular woman doesn't have a Christian aspect in her speech it doesn't mean you can incorporate it. Sometimes I feel like us Christians can be the meanest, and the most judging to others. I feel that is the biggest part in why some people avoid Christianity like the plague. Because that ONE time, that ONE Christian did something to make them feel unworthy. That's not what Jesus wants from us as Christians. We are called to love one another, we are all brothers and sisters of Christ, all created in his image. Our actions should reflect Christ, I'm not trying to preach because The Lord knows I have work to do in these areas. No one person is better than another; speak with love not hate. Because you will never know the scar it leaves on a person.
It's so easy to destroy, so hard to build up.
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