new normal

"Come to Me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life.

Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway.

This sounds like an easy assignment, it is not. Your desire to live in My presence goes against the grain of "the world,the flesh, and the devil". Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents. However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me with the help of My presence." 

Jesus Calling

This devotional has got me through some of me deepest valleys. It continues to help me get through each day by giving me hope for the future and reassurance that God does has a reason for my hurt. 

I do wish things were different but there is nothing I can do to change what is. For some reason of which I'm not aware of yet, God intends me to be here in this situation. It is defiantly not easy for me to let go of any part of it. I'm fairly certain I haven't let go of any of it yet. It's been such a lifestyle change for me that I just want to be over. I'm so over me telling troy to not do this or that. I want so badly for everything to just be what it was. I want him to drive everywhere, I want him to snowmobile, I want him to climb ladders and be at work. Probably more than I ever will in my whole lifetime. I want all those things because he wants them and because that is normal. 

Were learning that this is the new normal. I do have to tell him he can't climb a ladder or drive a snowmobile. Even though I would kill for him to have all those things. It's killing me being the bad guy in every situation only because I'm scared out of my mind knowing that those bad things happen in one split second. And if there is a next time it won't be the same and we will start from square one. I know for a fact that is the last thing Troy wants is to come so far only to fall all the way back. Honestly, I'm not sure I could go through that again. 

Apart of learning how to deal with the most stubborn person on the planet on top of a brain injury is finding tricks to make him realize his current flaws. I've been noticing a lot lately that his memory is not good. It's come out a lot in his driving and doing certain tasks. He really should walk around with a pencil and note pad all the time and write himself reminders. I've had two incidents where Troy drove to the wrong spot. Now, he isn't like driving to Indiana and getting lost it's more driving to his parents house instead of our own. I have let him do it and figure it out on his own because eventually, I won't be there to help him. He typically stops then asks, "wait, why am I here? did I need something here? I was supposed to go _____." The good news is that he does figure it out on his own but he still has a ways to go when it comes to healing. I want nothing more than for him to realize some of his deficits so that he can learn to work around them but I know that with a brain injury that doesn't usually happen.