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I've become a professional "keep it all in". I feel like I have to, especially for Troy. He often feels like I don't care and I want to baby him all the time which isn't totally far from the truth but the reality of it is I would trade my own life for him to have his normal back. It truly kills me to see him frustrated and struggling. I want to fix him and I want to help him but I just don't know how. My mom has always said "you don't know love until you have kids and you feel their hurt and would trade the world for their happiness". That may be true but I also feel that way about Troy. I hurt when he hurts and I get frustrated when he gets frustrated.

Work for him has been difficult. In the sense of he can't do things like he used to and let me tell you; that is his peak of frustration. He pushes and try's his hardest and ends up with results he isn't happy with. He comes home just beside himself worrying about what the guys think of him or what he messed up. I know this feeling of overthinking and it's miserable. 

I try and remind myself that we still have a long way to go with his recovery but gosh, this seems like a nightmare we can't wake up from. I have been submersing myself into research about brain injuries and recoveries. What has proven to help and if there is anything I can do or Troy can do to make his load a little lighter. So far, nothing. This is the horrible game of waiting and hoping. I can't tell you how many prayers are sent up daily for him on my part to get him closer to his normal functioning self. I know Gods timing is best, I've seen his work work out perfectly on multiple occasions but my impatient self wants things NOW. 

I'm so glad for how far he has come and even with all the research I'm still reminded at how miraculous his recovery has been. I mean, he is working. 90% of patients with troys injury don't wake up. I'm so thankful he is awake because I would be in pine rest by now for sure. I already feel like sometimes I should send myself there. 

Another day will come and it will be one day closer to seeing the results we have so been waiting for. He has an attitude that is frustrating for me at times but it's gotten him this far. We have had our far share of sit down "you can do it" talks. For Troy and myself. Truth is, we're encuraging eachother through it all. That's the only way we're going to make it through this! 

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