our |perfect| storm

The day finally came that we got to meet with Dr Vandenberg again. I was a good mix of excited and totally annoyed. Troy has this thing where he thinks I'm out to ruin his life because I tell the doctors the truth... Yeah, its been a lot of fun dealing with him the last couple weeks. In fact, on our ride to the appointment he told me he didn't want me there. That made me feel just dandy. I had asked him to collect some papers from work that had weekly updates from the people he has been working with. When he got home he said, "I read them and I'm not taking them in." I asked if he thought that was being honest and he just stared at me. Obviously he knows better but he doesn't want anything in his way no matter what that means for his healing. That is by far the most frustrating part of all of this for me. I don't feel like he cares; I get he just wants to be normal but at some point he has to figure it out and get used to it because there is literally ...

For the past few weeks my anxiety has gone through the roof. Flash backs that are so vivid it's like I'm reliving the whole thing again. Honestly, I'm a little ashamed that I'm still dealing with this. It's been since October, I should be getting better.  I don't like talking about it. I feel like a ticking time bomb when discussing it. I lose all sense of reality. I hate not being able to control my emotions. Every morning the last few weeks when Troy gets up for work I lay in bed and just replay the whole night in my head. I get myself so worked up that I fully convince myself Troy is going to be dead by the end of the day. I have to do everything in my power to not tell Troy he can't go to work. I hear the door shut and all I want to do is run after him and tell him not to leave.  These stupid flash backs occur at almost anytime of the day. Morning, afternoon or nighttime. I will have nightmares of other family members dying. I wake up and feel like my he...